Forgiveness. That has
been the theme of my life recently.
I’ve made my share of mistakes this year, but last week was
a doozy. My old self (not exactly the holiest of persons) came out in a selfish, irresponsible act. Then a week later, I did it again! But this story isn’t about what I did. It’s about what was done for me.
The first time it happened, I was expecting my relationships
to suffer as a result of the trouble I’d caused, but instead I was treated
gently. I was forgiven, and all was forgotten
because “everyone messes up.” Finished. The second
time, I was deeply ashamed of myself.
I felt that my “sorry” would not be believable because actions speak
louder than words. I was sure that I’d done irreparable damage, and
was convinced I would (should) be rejected for it. Have you ever felt this way after doing
something really bad?
In providential display of perfect timing, all three mass
readings the next day focused on repentance.
In the first, God’s anger is justified, but He spares the people. In the second, Timothy admits his sinful past
and speaks of Christ’s “utmost patience”.
In the Gospel, the parable of the lost sheep speaks about Heaven’s
rejoicing over any sinner who repents.
The message was clear: Christ
came to call sinners, not saints. He
came to purify, not to punish. To teach,
not to torment. God spoke to my gloomy
heart: “Your shame, that feeling of wanting to hide from Me, is the Devil
tempting you to run from My Son’s merciful embrace. Repent from deep within you, and you will be forgiven and loved. ”
That evening, we talked about what had happened. I was very surprised by the tone of the conversation
because again I received immediate forgiveness. I received mercy and compassion. Patience, tolerance, kindness, and acceptance. LOVE, LOVE, LOVE. Never before had I experienced that level and
speed of forgiveness. My feeble apology
was accepted, no reparation requested. Everyone
just wanted things to go back to normal.
We decided to “start over” (what a magical phrase that is!).
When I looked into the eyes across from me, I saw holiness
shining back. I saw Christ, and felt the
warmth of a mother’s pardoning embrace. I
certainly didn’t deserve this extreme act of love, but it was granted to me anyway. Being absolved like that, it has the power to
transform a life. I am changed. It has affected
me in the depths of my soul, in the core of my heart. Am I suddenly going to be perfect at forgiveness now? Of course not. But I have seen that it is possible for people to forgive like Jesus forgives, that
perfectly. I am profoundly aware of the grace
I received and am deeply humbled by
it.
THE LESSON:
The message that has penetrated my heart is one of action:
“Go, Cait, and do this for someone else.
Be this for someone else. Do not
let it be in vain that I put this experience in your life.” Thesaurus suggestions for the word redemption
include improvement. How true that is. My job now is to move forward with a much better
experiential understanding of Christ’s love and to imitate his compassion the
way it has been shown to me this week. C.S.
Lewis put it beautifully when he wrote, “To be a Christian is to forgive the
inexcusable, because God has forgiven it in us.” Jesus suffered torture and died to show his
forgiveness to us. We don’t have to go
through nearly that much trouble. We
just have to act with love, even if (especially when) the other person
doesn’t deserve it.
